Sending documents to my lawyer;
going to get through this for sure.

Keep talking shit
it'll just get you in more trouble ^__^

Because I'm sick of runnning and hiding everything I do on the net.
Not anymore.
Spaz is drunk, on ambien, has to go to court tomorrow but most importantly, she's back, bitches!
Who said rock bottom can't be glamourous!
Tune in later .for all the wacky stories of beth/spaz as she tries to continue to be a normal human wormbaby! Evading arrest1 baseball bats! You will all see, very soon

This journal is now officially closed.

its really depressing that I have to do this, but I find no other way to go about this than to remove this and all other of my 'publically known' accounts. Sorry.

my writing has gone dry

I'm convinced I become somewhat manic at night. Before I go to bed I always seem to find 100 things I need to do, right away.

One year ago today, my best friend died.

All we can do now is learn from it. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

I'm really hungry and there's no food in the house and I have no money because I just bought an iphone and paid all my bills. Was that sentence run on enough for you?
So I quit smoking, and I'm pretty scared I'm going to balloon up to 500 pounds by eating instead of smoking. Well, I only kinda quit because I'm on the patch.

Umm, I really want to move out even though it isn't financially possible right now and I'd be digging my own grave, really. Sometimes I really think that if I moved into a little apartment in Boston and got a kitten I'd really, really be happy. Even if I were eating ramen noodles and working a shitty job. I'd be happpieeee.

Then I remember that I'm a prissy bitch.

I'm looking for a second job. Why won't anyone hire me? Oh, right, I have 12 piercings and no social skills. my b.

I'm finally throwing all of my old stuff out in anticipation of the yard sale and moving into my brother's room.

For most of my life, I've been a hoarder. Not in the 'packrat' sense, but in the actual OCD sense. I used to have horrible OCD when I was little, mostly with anxiety. I used to count every step I make and I wouldn't eat the last piece of candy I had because I was afraid it would kill me. And I wouldn't throw ANYTHING OUT. Papers, cards, CANDY, weird pamplets, ectect. Drawings, letters I wrote in emelentary school, graded papers from elementary school... I'm pretty much better now. I still have to have everything even and I have to be clean at all times, but atleast I'm not keeping anything.

But it's hard to throw anything out still. I want to take pictures of everything, even. I found these old 'Worry Dolls' my mom bought me. You're supposed to tell them all your worries (mine were mostly about my mom and cats dying, still) and keep them under your pillow and they'll make all your worries go away. But I decided they were EVIL dolls and would make everything die, so I put them in my dresser drawer and cried for hours and called my mom at the supermarket (yeah, I would call the fucking supermarket and have them page her) and told her not to die. Yeah, neurotic doesn't begin to cover it motherfucker. I'm still afraid everything is going to die or leave, but now that I've experienced it more (Mike, Tommy, John) I'm more accepting of it.

I'm throwing out all the letters and cards John sent me. I can't even bring myself to look at them. They're gone.

I think my problem with sleep currently is that its not that I can't sleep, but that I don't want to or im afraid. I could be more productive without sleep

Costume ideas I'm toying with for halloween;

Alice in Wonderland
Red Riding Hood
Catwoman

I slept on my back completely wrong. I can't even pick up any of my cats. I might go visit pinkerton today... ahahaha

I feel awful. I can't sleep, but im not entirely awake. I have a headache and im terribly heartbroken

I made a black hairpiece, I'm wearing it right now.  I thought it was a much better option than dying my hair or 10$ a piece so-cap extensions.  I just wish the ends didn't look so fake; I need to make an effort to cut the ends better.

It came out so well I'm thinking of making some to sell. I know selling hair extensions is such a trend but I found myself enjoying making it and I have so much fucking extra hair that it can't hurt to make a few pieces and sell them for $10 or something.  I have blonde and black so I guess I can make colors or whatevaaa.

So sleepy.

Spent the last two days cleaning the house for Brian's going away party and my 'I get my own room' party.

My brain is melting.  Surly.  Surely.  Whatever.  I need to start selling hairpieces because it's the only thing besides makeup I don't want to stab myself while doing.

I think my mom's brain is melting because she's walking around saying 'I love you' incessently, but such things aren't as abnormal as they should be.

I'm sick of sleeping in the livingroom because everyone sits on that goddamn couch, so I've become very terrortorial.  No one sits there.  I sleep.  No one touches where I sleep.  I'll get my room soon, and you'll get your couch back safe and sound...

Things melt, I be rollin' dirty.  Thug liffeee.

Trying to post using txtlj... ugh

My voice just echos off these walls..

Hello!
Do you think that I'm a stupid, fat, clown-faced bitch?  Do you feel the need to scrape the makeup off my face with a hamburger-flipper?  Do you fight the urge to trip me as I walk across campus in my thigh-highs?  Do you believe I'm a stupid Japanophile who needs to get out more often?  Think I should grow up and stop being such a bitch?
Well, this place is for you!
Seeing as I'm getting an obscene amount of personal insults on my secrets post, here you may comment- unsigned- with why you think I need to throw myself off the Brooklyn Bridge.  Don't hold back!  Go ahead and vent out your jealousy.  But don't think your comments will have an effect on me, because I'll probably just be sitting here laughing at you. 

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me abut your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me how much you hate me. How much you love me. Tell me anything.

Post anonymously. Speak honestly, because there isn't any censure here. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another.

And then, pass it on.

Stole this from Molly (Neko_Micky) who stole it from Abby? o_o;

Reply to this post. Ask me any number of questions, as awkward or embarrassing as you like. Absolutely anything at all. I promise to answer every question in complete honesty. Anything you ever wanted to know about me, now's your chance. All you have to do is ask. Then, copy the text of this and post in in your own LJ.

( PICTURES! )

...I had to do it.
Sorry I didn't cut the pictures at first, I had erased all the text by mistake and when I did it over, I forgot to put the cut in. X_X