Need Coffee

there is too much to say for me to go away

Because I'm sick of runnning and hiding everything I do on the net.
Not anymore.
Spaz is drunk, on ambien, has to go to court tomorrow but most importantly, she's back, bitches!
Who said rock bottom can't be glamourous!
Tune in later .for all the wacky stories of beth/spaz as she tries to continue to be a normal human wormbaby! Evading arrest1 baseball bats! You will all see, very soon
Need Coffee

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This journal is now officially closed.

its really depressing that I have to do this, but I find no other way to go about this than to remove this and all other of my 'publically known' accounts. Sorry.
Need Coffee

RIP

One year ago today, my best friend died.

All we can do now is learn from it. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?
  • Current Mood
    depressed
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I'm really hungry and there's no food in the house and I have no money because I just bought an iphone and paid all my bills. Was that sentence run on enough for you?
So I quit smoking, and I'm pretty scared I'm going to balloon up to 500 pounds by eating instead of smoking. Well, I only kinda quit because I'm on the patch.

Umm, I really want to move out even though it isn't financially possible right now and I'd be digging my own grave, really. Sometimes I really think that if I moved into a little apartment in Boston and got a kitten I'd really, really be happy. Even if I were eating ramen noodles and working a shitty job. I'd be happpieeee.

Then I remember that I'm a prissy bitch.

I'm looking for a second job. Why won't anyone hire me? Oh, right, I have 12 piercings and no social skills. my b.
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I'm finally throwing all of my old stuff out in anticipation of the yard sale and moving into my brother's room.

For most of my life, I've been a hoarder. Not in the 'packrat' sense, but in the actual OCD sense. I used to have horrible OCD when I was little, mostly with anxiety. I used to count every step I make and I wouldn't eat the last piece of candy I had because I was afraid it would kill me. And I wouldn't throw ANYTHING OUT. Papers, cards, CANDY, weird pamplets, ectect. Drawings, letters I wrote in emelentary school, graded papers from elementary school... I'm pretty much better now. I still have to have everything even and I have to be clean at all times, but atleast I'm not keeping anything.

But it's hard to throw anything out still. I want to take pictures of everything, even. I found these old 'Worry Dolls' my mom bought me. You're supposed to tell them all your worries (mine were mostly about my mom and cats dying, still) and keep them under your pillow and they'll make all your worries go away. But I decided they were EVIL dolls and would make everything die, so I put them in my dresser drawer and cried for hours and called my mom at the supermarket (yeah, I would call the fucking supermarket and have them page her) and told her not to die. Yeah, neurotic doesn't begin to cover it motherfucker. I'm still afraid everything is going to die or leave, but now that I've experienced it more (Mike, Tommy, John) I'm more accepting of it.

I'm throwing out all the letters and cards John sent me. I can't even bring myself to look at them. They're gone.